Week 11: Fidelity and Physical Intimacy


I was married young; not just in age but in maturity. Now at the age of nineteen, I would have told you that I was wise beyond my years, but as I look back, I realize I was clueless! I can relate to the quote from Hugh B. Brown who said, 
"Thousands of young people come to the marriage altar almost illiterate insofar as this basic and fundamental function is concerned. The sex instinct is not something which we need to fear or be ashamed of."

He goes on to say:
" It is God-given and has a high and holy purpose … We want our young people to know that sex is not an unmentionable human misfortune, and certainly it should not be regarded as a sordid but necessary part of marriage."
Because of the complete lack of communication and understanding by many adults today, many of our young adults are getting married without the slightest clue as to the problems that could arise in the intimate aspects of their relationship.

 Sean E. Brotherson said that, "I am convinced that ignorance is perhaps the most costly deficiency when it comes to sexual fulfillment between marital partners. A failure to understand your own body, your partner's responses, and the essential ingredients of a healthy sexual relationship quickly becomes a failure to find sexual satisfaction as a married couple. Problems in this area of a marriage relationship can severely impact couple communication and caring, and leads often to insecurity, anxiety, frustration, anger, emotional alienation, and even divorce."

From this lack of understanding and education, pornography can become a horrible addiction leaving spouses hurt and children in single parent homes. This is not so simple for someone who grew up in a home where intimacy was never discussed. I have an extended family member who absolutely will not discuss anything intimate, even in a general educational aspect. When an issue came up with her son having pornography addictions, she completely shut down about it and could not even bring it up. That discussion was left to the father, and although I think he tried to do his best to help his son, because of the limited discussions it continued on for more than a few years.

The key is to keep the lines of communication open! Brother Brotherson gives us some excellent sources to turn to as Latter-Day Saints when we need help in the area of intimacy. He suggests the following:
1 - The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly LaHaye. Excellent, Christian-based book on sexual love in marriage, frank and wholesome. Great for engaged or newlywed couples, as well as couples at any other stage of marriage.
2 - Between Husband and Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy by Stephen Lamb and Douglas Brinley. Solid and interesting perspective on marital intimacy from a Latter-day Saint gospel perspective. Very good resource.
3 - Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat. Book by a Christian MD and therapist with his wife, very insightful and well-done.
4 - The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis. Well-known therapist and marriage educator has written an engaging and positive book about dealing with sexual challenges in marriage. Brand new, a great read.
5 - Purity and Passion by Wendy Watson, a BYU professor and marital therapist whose book on intimacy is grounded in gospel understanding and purpose. Nice resource.
6 - Couple Sexual Awareness or Sexual Awareness: Couple Sexuality for the Twenty-first Century or Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages, all by Barry and Emily McCarthy. These are well-written, practical guides on sexual intimacy for couples by a well-recognized sex therapist and his spouse.


As we keep the lines of communication open and are willing to admit we may need direction at times, we can avoid the traps of the Adversary as he strives to damage and break the bonds in our marital relationships.
Ashley Yarrington