Week 4: Doctrine of Eternal Marriage
Lead by Example
“As men and women, as husbands and wives, and as Church
leaders, one of our paramount responsibilities is to help young men and women
learn about and prepare for righteous marriage through our personal example.”[1]
-David A. Bednar
When I was married almost twenty-four years ago, I had no
idea how significantly I was influenced by my parents’ marriage; both good and
bad. Although I loved my husband, the first few years were tough ones for us.
Whenever things got rough, the first thing I would do is call Mom and Dad to
tell them all about my woes! The hubby did the same with his parents.
Major mistake #1
Thankfully, we learned sooner rather than later how
detrimental this habit was. Our parents loved us more than our new spouse, and
of course took our sides. But the repetitive reminding we were getting every
time we hashed out the complaint over and over was not healthy. Our parents
were a lot less likely to forgive and forget than we were, causing stress in
the family.
Bruce C. Hafen, in his talk titled, ‘Covenant Marriage’
gives us three examples of destructive “wolves” that can destroy marriage:
natural adversity, imperfection, and excessive individualism.[2]
Every marriage will struggle in at least one of these areas. Whether it is
excessive trials, a critical spouse, or an indifferent one, the toll on a
marital relationship can be significant.
Satan wants us to miserable because HE is miserable. He
knows that if he can plant those destructive patterns in a covenant marriage,
many generations will be affected. If a
mother and father are constantly at war, what are the children learning?
It is my job as a parent, to help prepare my children for a
successful marital relationship. But how does that happen? What does that look
like?
Elder Bednar gives us great insight in his talk titled, ‘Marriage Is
Essential to His Eternal Plan’. He said:
“As young people notice that we have made the comfort and
convenience of our eternal companion our highest
priority, then they will become less self-centered and more able to
give, to serve, and to create an equal and enduring companionship. As young
women and men perceive mutual
respect, affection, trust, and love between a husband and a wife, then
they will strive to cultivate the same characteristics in their lives. Our
children and the youth of the Church will learn the most from what we do and
what we are—even if they remember relatively little of what we say.”
EXAMPLE IS THE KEY!!!
If I want my children to know that marriage is more than a
simple legal contract, then I need to show them through my example. That, of
course, does not mean that I need to be perfect. My children have seen me get
angry and speak louder than I should. BUT, they have also seen me own it and
apologize later for my outbursts. We are not seeking perfection in our path to
eternal marriage, but we are seeking for humility
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